Daring to Be Different

30 Day Rant Challenge. Day 14 - Appearance

Appearance is a huge thing that I worry about constantly.

Everyone always tells me how attractive I am, how beautiful my eyes are, etc.

Ok, I’ll admit, I’m attractive.

There are days I don’t feel attractive, but I know that I am.

There are a few things I would change about my appearance though.

For instance,

I wish my face was cleaner; without all the pimples.

I wish my hair could look good always. I feel like my hair just never looks good.

I wish I were more muscular cause I’m so scrawny.

I wish I were taller cause I’m so small.

Ugh, the only good thing is that my boyfriend thinks I’m gorgeous so that’s a plus I guess :)

Gonna Get Some Respect

So what’s been going on in my life lately?

Well, I’m not sure if I told you this but I got a myYearbook account last week, just for fun.

I thought, “Why not?” because I’m pretty sure that one of my friends found this really attractive guy on there that she might be dating soon (AT LEAST SHE BETTER).

I’ve gotten a lot of girls tell me how hot or cute I am and then me telling them I was gay was enough to get them to stop talking to me.

Some girls asked me why I was gay.

Some girls asked if I was sure I was gay.

Some girls asked if I could change for them.

It’s ridiculous.

Then I’ve had a lot of guys talk to me.

Some of which I genuinely like as a person.

This dude Devon and I have been talking and he’s a nice guy. He has a guy that he likes so we’re just kind of trying to get the two of them together.

Same for this dude Noah.

And this dude Kyle is nice but lives in Florida.

I’m not really trying to hook myself up or anything. In fact, I’ve realized that I’ve lost a lot of dignity and respect for myself.

Last year, I told myself I wouldn’t drink or smoke any under circumstances because I wanted the best path for my career, and of course, I’ve sort of changed and started drinking and smoking a little bit.

I still want to have some dignity in myself.

Therefore, I’ve promised to myself that I’m going to have more respect in myself for who I am. That means no making out with random guys, no whoring around or anything, no dirty pictures. If a guy wants me and I want a guy, we’ll work things out and get to the dirty stuff later on when it’s not as bad. 

I just need to have more respect for who I am.

After all, I haven’t lost my virginity yet and I plan on keeping that as long as I possibly can. I want to wait until marriage, but I don’t know. I guess we’ll see. Either way, most of my firsts I’ve regretted, so I don’t want to mess this up either.

In other news, I haven’t had any huge crushes since before Ryan, and that was “the boy”.

I’ve had thoughts about talking to him again, but so far I just wanna go for friends. I don’t think anything else will happen out of that, and to try to convince myself otherwise would be bad.

Anyways, I don’t think I’ll have time for a relationship, when I’m working two jobs this summer (ughh.)

I’m tired and I have school tomorrow so I’m going to bed now…

30 Day Rant Challenge. Day 13 - Girls

I could care less about this subject.

Lately a bunch of girls have told me that I’m cute and wish I wasn’t gay…ok cool.

I have a bunch of girl best friends.

I don’t like girls.

I mean, I don’t know, I’d much rather have guys as friends than girls.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love all my girl friends.

But guys don’t have drama.

That’s why I enjoy hanging out with all my guy friends because I don’t have to worry about anything. It’s completely stress-free.

30 Day Rant Challenge. Day 12 - Boys

This one, I can do ;)

Oh man, where do I even start with boys? 

Well, most of you know my situation with boys.

Can we do a timeline? 

Ok. Let’s see…

2004. Started viewing pictures of naked men. (photos on Google)

2005. Started looking at gay porn pictures. 

2007. Started watching gay porn.

2008. Convinced myself that even though I watched gay porn, was still straight.

June 2009. Attended “god musical camp”. Started liking Jake. Told myself I was bi.

July 2009. Nearly almost got with Jake when him and his boyfriend almost broke up.

August 2009. Anything with Jake ended; bisexuality disappeared. Went back to being straight.

December 14, 2009. Came out of the closet to myself. Started liking Nick.

January 1, 2010. Told Nick I liked him. Was told he didn’t like me back, but still wanted to be friends.

February 14, 2010. Nick and his ex-boyfriend got together…without me knowing.

March 2010. Started liking one of the guys in my class to a huge extent: Anthony.

March 2010. Also started liking another popular guy: Greg.

June 2010. Thought I liked this dude I saw in a show: Mitch.

June 2010. Thought I liked this dude Jack, that was one of my good friends at the time. It was like a week or so I was crushing on him.

July 2010. Joined websites to find people to date: espin, GTF, and mylol.

August 2010. Started liking this dude in my class Kevin.

August 2010. Started “dating” Hank from espin.

September 2010. Broke up with Hank, when I found out about Nick dating.

October 2010. Found dating website: TheGYC.

October 26, 2010. Started dating Alex from the GYC.

November 5, 2010. First date with Alex; ended up going to his house, and doing a few things together (all my first time).

November 24, 2010. Told Greg I liked him: positive reaction.

November 26, 2010. Broke up with Alex.

December 19, 2010. Sort of met “the boy”.

Decemer 24, 2010. Told Anthony I liked him: positive reaction.

January 2011. Started liking another dude in my class: Tim. 

January 2011. Started crushing hard on Tyler from the GYC, who lived in another state.

January 2011. Slight crush on Tom. Ended when I found out he was “straight”.

February 2011. Gave up on Tyler when he told me he just wanted to be friends.

March 2011. Downloaded gay apps for phone: Grindr, jack’d, Boy Ahoy.

March 2011. Crushed on Brandon, 20 year old from Grindr.

March 2011. Crushed on Tony, 16 year old from Grindr.

March 2011. Was told by Tom he was bisexual; started crushing on him.

April 2011. Texted Tom all the time and had major feelings for him.

April 9, 2011. Sexted Tom. First guy I ever sexted.

April 10, 2011. Was told by Tom he didn’t like me, after he went to church and probably heard a sermon about how it was wrong to be gay. And how he liked this girl.

April 12, 2011. Chatted with Tom, who told me he still liked me.

June 4, 2011. Stopped liking Tom as he started ignoring me out of nowhere and wouldn’t talk to me or acknowledge me.

July 2011. Downloaded some apps for phone again: Jack’d, okcupid.

July 2011. Started talking to Kyle, who I had planned to go on a date with.

July 2011. Kyle said he was sick the day of the date. We sort of stopped talking a little bit after that.

July 2011. Liked two other guys after Kyle: Steve and Jarvis.

July 2011. But because of the age difference, gave up on them.

July 2011. Liked another guy Codi. Nothing happened.

July 2011. After all these stupid apps, started liking “the boy” to some extent, without telling him.

August 6, 2011. Found out “the boy” liked me, at my birthday party. Got his number and started texting him.

August 17, 2011. Went on a date with “the boy” to the movies. And got to talk to him.

August 2011-October 2011. Talked a bunch of times to the boy, felt as if he liked me back. (was confirmed from a few people).

October 16, 2011 - Asked the boy out at Mizzou homecoming. Was shot down so hard.

late October 2011 - started hanging out with this dude Brady. Liked him, but then gave up on him.

November 11, 2011 - Started talking to Ryan.

November 26, 2011 - Started dating Ryan officially. 

January 14, 2012 - Broke up with Ryan. 

And since then, nothing exciting or dramatic has happened with boys.

I signed up on myyearbook, and have had plenty of guys crush on me that I don’t really like back all that much or if I do they’re already dating someone.

*le sigh*

I’ll just wait on fate to put me in the direction of some hot boy. ;)

30 Day Rant Challenge. Day 11 - Global Warming

This is an awful thing to rant about.

I honestly don’t care. I like that it’s warmer, usually…But I like when it’s WARM in APRIL OR MAY. Not 40 degrees outside. 

Global Warming I could care less about tbqh..

30 Day Rant Challenge. Day 5 - Haters

So apparently, I skipped Day 5.

Haters.

Hmm, the first thing I think of when I think of haters are the people who continuously try to make fun of me over Twitter (I don’t usually get it on Tumblr…or I don’t think I do). 

They usually annoy the hell out of me and make me feel worthless and insecure and stupid and all that bullshit.

I mean, there are days where I’m totally fine with them and they don’t bother me one bit. 

But when I’ve had a rough day and I find this, it hurts sometimes.

I don’t know, people literally piss me off these days SO MUCH it’s not even funny.

Like I hate people a lot more this year than I did last year, and I’m not entirely sure why.

Maybe because I finally see the bad in people that I was so oblivious too or ignoring or whatever.

But, to be honest, haters can just go jump off a cliff and stop making others feel like shit.

I don’t give a fuck if you make me feel like shit. My shitty self-confidence can take it. But don’t give anyone else shit because no one deserves to feel that way.

30 Day Rant Challenge. Day 10 - Make-Up

I know that I’m not one to rant about this.

I don’t even wear make-up. 

But I guess I can rant about this.

Gays that do wear make-up? Why? I just don’t see the point of it. We’re only adding to the stereotype that we’re even more girls.

Now I won’t ever wear make-up, unless I have to for a show. But not to look pretty. I’m a guy. Gays are attracted to guys, and if one likes me, then they’ll like me for who I am. I don’t need to put make-up on to look pretty and get guys, mainly cause that’s a bit weird to me.

To each their own. If you wanna wear make-up, go for it. I just don’t quite get it.

Now girls? I think they look pretty without makeup on. I think they look pretty with makeup on. 

But they shouldn’t feel like they always have to wear makeup to get guys to like them.

If that was the case, have fun wearing makeup all the time. And I mean ALL THE TIME. If a guy wants you, he’ll want you for everything you are, no matter what you look like. He’ll think you’re beautiful no matter what.

That’s what I think.

30 Day Rant Challenge. Day 9 - Wants and Needs

Hmm, I feel like I should make a list of what I want and need. Just to show what is important and what really isn’t.

WANT:

• Money to buy things: Pokemon cards (don’t judge me), CD’s of my favorite artists,
• a cuddle buddy
• Nicki Minaj tickets.
• to smoke hookah soon
• dance parties
• the part of Barnaby in Hello Dolly
• Josh Hutcherson. In my pants.
• to re-kindle old friendships.
• to not have to work a job for the next 2 months just to pay off work grant.

NEED:

• Deluxe edition of Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded physical copy. Sorry, but I can’t function correctly until I get this. Hoping my mom gets me the t-shirt edition for Easter <3
• Money to buy things: Tickets for Lady GaGa’s Born This Way Ball, iPhone
• SUMMER.
• The Hunger Games trilogy, hardcover.
• my friends.
• Next Week…

And that’s about all I can think of right now… *le sigh*

THIS REALLY COOL AWESOME THING THAT.

Hey guys!

So today I applied for two Pokemon roleplay Tumblr accounts, the first of which is a Glee/Pokemon crossover. The second is just a Pokemon/rich school crossover. 

So far the second one has accepted me as part of the roleplay.

My character’s name is Tommy Moran, and he is going to end up being the poorest kid on the campus because him and his parents ended up working so hard to pay off the tuition for him to attend the school. So, Tommy has a lot of ideas, and is much of a thinker, although he typically struggles in school so he’ll be spending a lot of time reading the books or procrastinating, which could be potentially dangerous for him. He’s not all that confident with people, either, so it’s very likely he’ll be pushed on by the rich kids for not being as rich as them and possibly being not as smart as them. 

Tommy is a 17-year old closeted bisexual, so we’ll see where his romance life goes over this roleplay.

Tommy’s face claim is Josh Hutcherson, but then again, there’s no surprise there. ;)

His starter Pokemon is a Totodile, which I’m really excited about. Although I would’ve been happy with practically any starter.

So, basically, I’m really going to have a fun time with this. It’s going to require a huge imagination on my part.

And the other one? Well, I’d love to be a part of it too. I guess I’ll find out soon enough…

evermorefascinated asked: hey, thanks for following me with this blog too. You seem quite cool haha if you need anything, you can count on me:)

No problem at all sir :) Thanks for following this blog! I really appreciate it!! And definitely vice versa for you!